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« It's A Small World, But Not THAT Small | Main | It's Unchartered Territory, But I Can't Wait To Tri »

August 31, 2010



absolutely brilliant. i am scouring the internet for your book. you've written it, right? ;O) thank you for this post. i will need to link it.


It's a wise person who plans for the worst, even when we live our lives expecting better. That's what you are doing when you prepare your children for the walls that they're sadly going to encounter.

You'll help them break those walls down, Paula, and in the process you're helping the rest of us do the same. Huge (((((hugs))))) to you!!

Tonggu Momma

My husband and I feel better trained because you have shared your thoughts with us for so many years. I still, STILL think of "The Skin I'm In" on a regular basis. And yes, you have shaped our parenting in a huge way.


Interesting..I had posted on an adoption chat board about how to talk to my daughter about racism and to prepare her for slurs and I was bombarded with replies that I shouldn't put "ideas in her head" that didn't need to be there, or something to that effect. My daughter is 3. At what age did you start talking to your kids about racism? Right now, I just casually mention different skin tones, hair, etc. We make sure to read books with characters of all different races. But I wonder at what age I should get more direct with her...


hello Paula - Ellen above this is especially directed to you -

Some very horrible and vicious comments that my daughter did not understand have been made in her hearing, comments that would not have been made to/about a child of her race and her sex.

She was five.

When does your identity start to form? My daughter drew my attention to the fact that a room had no other child of color in it when she was two years old. I don't have an answer, I don't think it is likely the same for everyone. But I think it is good if the identity you grow up with is something you can incorporate into your adult self, and keep growing into. If you expect to see an Asian face in the mirror when you are an Asian child, not a white face.

Those ideas will come to her, and I think it is better for her to understand some little bit about it first. And also so, maybe, she will not be afraid (or as afraid) to tell you when it happens - because she won't worry that you have never heard of such things.

hope that makes sense


A friend directed me to your blog today. Five of our children are adopted and three of them are children of color. I believe in speaking openly about adoption, the good and the bad, and about race and what they probably will face in the world because of it. I love the pictures you created by using the illustrations of the marathon and putting a seatbelt on. Thank you for your willingness to share your experiences. I am going to bookmark your site and come back when I have time to read back through the archives.


I'm cheating, Paula, and leaving a comment in response to your Sept. 15th post here b/c you closed the comments...probably for a reason, but I'm not good at accepting things. :) I just wanted to wish you the best of luck with your Iron Man. I've appreciated your thoughts over the past many years, your eloquent writing, and your knowledge. I hope that I'm a little bit better of an AMom b/c of you. I'll be here, waiting, very selfishly hoping that you have time again one day. You came back after the last break, so a girl can hope. :)

All my best,

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