Not Exactly Diverse

A little over a week ago, I received a phone call from a woman who happens to work with my mom.  This woman, K., is only a few years older than I am and has three children; her youngest child is in the same grade (Kindergarten) as our daughter.

Apparently, my mom has been doing some grandmotherly boasting about her granddaughter, which led to various conversations between my mom and K. about the school where K's children attend.  It's a relatively small preparatory academy that is highly regarded by several fellow educators and parents that I know.  Before our daughter started Kindergarten, I actually did a fair amount of research on this school and though I strongly believe that its academic rigor would have been well suited for our daughter, I ultimately was looking for a more diverse student body than this school had to offer.  (According to the school's website, almost 93% of the student body identifies themselves as White.)

One of the reasons K. called was to tell me more about the school in case I was interested in applying for the next academic school year.  I told her that my main concern was the lack of racial and ethnic diversity amongst the student body.

"Well, it's true that most of the students are White, but we do have some diversity. Our school has plenty of Orientals," she said proudly.

I literally cringed, grateful that she couldn't see my face.  I don't think I've heard the "O" word to describe Asians since my grandmother's 90 year-old friend referred to me as such.  And even that was over 10 years ago.  And the way she talked about the school "having plenty of Orientals" was unsettling to me.  It was as if she was noting how many Bunsen burners each science class had in its possession. 

"If you don't mind me asking, how many Asians would you say there are in each grade level?" I asked.  I knew immediately that her interpretation of "plenty" and my own definition of the word would vary greatly.

"Let's see," she said.  "There are about 35 students in each grade level and probably two Orientals in each grade.  Some grades might have as many as three."

She went on.

"One of the things I love about the school is how they expose the kids to different cultures.  My son learned about Kuonzie (I'm fairly certain that she meant Kwanzaa, but it came out phonetically as Koo-On-Zee) and my other son did a special project for Chinese New Year."

I know she meant well.  I know she was trying to share some of her children's experiences in hopes that I would see how culturally diverse the curriculum was, even if the student body wasn't.  It wasn't that my concerns about the school held any more merit than her thoughts about all of its positive attributes.  But I just couldn't help get the feeling that if our children were to attend that school, that she might be the mom to proudly announce to other White parents, "Great news, everyone!  I just recruited two more Orientals for our kids to be around!"

Not so long ago, I followed a thread on an adoption forum where many APs (mostly White) expressed no hesitation whatsoever about sending their children (adopted transracially) off to a school that had little to no racial or ethnic diversity.  Moving just wasn't an option, some said.  Driving to a school that had a larger ethnic and racial demographic was just too time consuming or too inconvenient, said others.  Still others proclaimed that a racially and ethnically diverse student body wouldn't necessarily have any positive impact on their child, so why not just keep them in a school where they are the diversity?  Someone has to be the pioneer, they said.  Why should it not be their child?

Sometimes it makes me wonder. . .for every person that has told me that I'm making too big of deal of race in the classroom and that it shouldn't matter if more than 90% of the student body is White, would those same people be willing to send their kids to a school where more than 90% of the student body identifies as non-White?  What about even 50%?

Why not?  Their answers might be telling.  They may reveal some insights about their own discomfort about being amongst the minority, even if just as a parent.

So why would our kids feel any differently?  More importantly, why aren't more of us listening?

Comments

[Margie]

Paula, you are too good a person. I don't think I could have contained myself in the situation you describe.

You are definitely not making too big a deal of race in the classroom. I just don't know what it will take to wake up the ones that don't understand the importance of school diversity for their children. Talking about it just doesn't seem to work.

[Mama Nabi]

CRINGE... I see it, I experience it, I hear about it - yet I'm still amazed how ignorant (to the point of seemingly uneducated) some of the local people are.

No, I do believe it IS important - even with LN's preschool, I made certain that there would be diversity (as much as one can expect in this state). Someone once made a comment to me that when one demands too much diversity around here, one has to sacrifice quality, i.e. all white suburbia has better schools than urban more diverse schools... isn't it amazing that people think that way?

[Laura]

I have only heard that word once since being home and it was from a 70 something year old man who followed me around Target staring at Annslee. Finally he said "She's Oriental!!" His tone was like he was telling me in case I didn't know. I said, "Yes, she is ASIAN" and tried to escape....

I do think K was trying to be helpful but it is not my daughter's job to fill a quota to make their school look more diverse. Our daughter just started a "language based" preschool b/c she is so behind in expressive lang and there are several black students in there and one little boy she really likes is named Zack. Well, playing soccer the other night she saw a black little boy who was clearly NOT Zack (he was at least 3 years older) and she yelled "Zack" HMMMM...guess we aren't around as much diversity as we thought. Our church is mostly white and our playgroups are mostly Asian.... We will have to make a more conscious effort to expose her to everyone : )

[mia]

When I mentioned at a recent AF meeting that we had a serious lack of an International Adoptee voice and it's importance that we rectify that, one of the board members said "YES! We should find some Orientals to join!". OMG, I just about had a heart attack.

Honestly I talk the talk, wishing my children were living among a more diverse population. I haven't walked the walk yet though. It really does come down to laziness for me and the overwhelming task of moving. Plus, and this weighs in less than the laziness part but when we lived (before kids) in a neighborhood where we as white people were the minority I experienced a great deal of prejudice. I was NOT accepted as a member of the community and I was treated really poorly. So there is a little fear there for my kids as well. I'm not saying that fear is rational but it is a thought for me.

[Paula O.]

Though our immediate neighborhood is relatively diverse (about 40% families of color), the school that our daughter attends is not as diverse as I would like.

We've applied to several different schools outside of our school district whose student bodies better reflect the racial, ethnic and socio-economic diversity that I'd like our children to be a part of, but were wait-listed on all of them.

Mia, I hear you about the daunting task of moving. It is not a small undertaking, and not financially feasible for many given the current housing climate in several areas in the country. Though part of me would love to move back to NYC or to San Fran where my husband has family, that is not an option for us right now. . .but perhaps down the line it will be.

[kris]

i have a son adopted from vietnam. the only person who has ever used the term oriental for him is the vietnamese woman who cuts his hair. she is probably in her late 30's or early 40's. she told me he didn't have thick hair like most orientals do. i wasn't correcting her use of oriental. i just could not even imagine me telling her that it is not appropriate to use the term oriental for a person. nope, i wasn't going there. had she been anything but asian i would have said something but i can not tell a person what term is appropriate for their own race.

[Melissa]

Ugh, when I hear people refer to individuals of Asian descent as "Oriental," it absolutely makes my skin crawl!

A couple years ago when I was working in volunteer management for a nonprofit, I interviewed a prospective volunteer who used the word "Oriental" several times while describing his experiences in working with other ethnic groups. I was very concerned considering that some of the clients we served were Hmong, Laotian, Tibetan, Japanese, Chinese, and Korean. Needless to say, I was not in favor of him becoming a volunteer.

[Denise Roessle]

Mia, your patience with ignorant people is amazing. It makes me NUTS when I hear Oriental used to describe people. If they do it twice, I tell them rugs are Oriental, people are Asian. Sometimes they still don't get it, like the woman who said it again even after you hinted by using the appropriate word.

[Amyesq]

The only person I know who regularly uses that word to describe human beings is my mom's best friend who is Chinese, born and raised in Hong Kong. And I don't feel bad about correcting her every. time. It is weird. "You're not Oriental. Carpets are Oriental. You and my girls are Asian. Chinese."

I admire you for not hanging up on that woman much more quickly than I would have.

[christine]

We've been thinking about racial diversity and schools alot lately. We are hoping to adopt from latin america. All of the schools in the area, and I do mean all, are about 93% white. We are considering moving, but there are alot of other factors that need to be taken into consideration, like the care of ederly parents and job prospects (dh's job is just not found everywhere around the country. its one of those careers that have concentrations in only 2-3 locations in the country.) There is one school district that is racially diverse, but academically and safety wise, it is not a good school. it is 50% white, 45% hispanic and 5% african american. however, since we are not fluent in spanish (we are learning, but not fluent) and our children won't be fluent in spanish, would it serve them well to be in a school where they are not necessarily a minority, but may not fit in with their racial peers? would they be accepted by other hispanic children when spanish is not spoken in our home? though we are committed to integrating our children's birth culture into our home, it won't be the same as the culture of other hispanic culture. Also, though our children will be of latin american heritage, it is a different culture than that of the other hispanic children (largly mexican culture). I think it would be just as disrespectful to my children to believe that mexican culture is the same or a good substitute for colombian culture.

I don't expect you to know the answer to all of these questions, but I thought I would throw out my situation.

[Ansley]

"Sometimes it makes me wonder. . .for every person that has told me that I'm making too big of deal of race in the classroom and that it shouldn't matter if more than 90% of the student body is White, would those same people be willing to send their kids to a school where more than 90% of the student body identifies as non-White? What about even 50%?"

This is so right on!

Thanks for sticking up for me the other day. (Even if you weren't sticking up for me- it sure felt like it, and I appreciate it!)

[Ken]

The "we have Orientals!" comment reminds me of James Watt's infamous "I have a black, a woman, two Jews and a cripple. And we have talent" comment during the Reagan administration. Yikes.

The other day I was making deacon visits to elderly parishioners with a pastor, and one older couple stared throwing the Oriental around quite a bit, along with some 1950s-era notions about Asian-American culture. "They're so hardworking! But so inscruitable!" Although I'm normally ready to correct gently or throw down, depending, the context made that very difficult. I think my poor pastor (who unlike the parishioners knew I have Asian kids) was far more uncomfortable than I was.

I'm inclined to cut older generations a little slack, but not too much. The ones who annoy me are the ones who seem proud and gleeful about using it on some sort of that-word-was-good-enough-for-me and why-can't-these-people-just-make-up-their-mind basis. When I encounter that in older relatives I try to point out, gently or not as the situation warrants, that (1) language changes, and it is the pinnacle of hubris and ignorance to think that the language reached some sort of Platonic ideal when YOU learned it; (2) calling people within reason what they would like to be called is a fundamental element of etiquette, which I thought was supposed to be something YOUR generation had in spades and all us damn kids lacked, and (3) if you don't think word meanings change, next time you go to your book club please announce that you were planning a gay weekend but it was spoiled by a boner.

[Margaret]

I think that paparents need to be told to think about these issues long before they adopt transracially. This needs to be emphasized over and over again during the adoption process. Paparents that cannot provide properly for their kids when it comes to a diverse racial environment should be discouraged from adopting transracially.

Like commenter Christine above, we have other concerns that need to be simultaneously met when choosing a school for the kids. We are lucky that we are in a region of the country where, with a good amount of searching, we can find a place to live (where DH and I can have jobs, not too far from aging parents, safe, not all white) and for our kids to go to school that gives them exposure to a decent number of non-white kids as well as a safe and solid education.

[Cheryl]

Great thoughts Paula. And you can bet if a school was 90% "other than white" most caucasian parents would not be sending their children there if given a choice.

[Susan]

Hi I'm new to your site, having read your article forwarded by a diversity email list I am on.
My son joined us from Calcutta when he was 8 months, and we party chose to adopt from India because we lived in an area of our city where there are a lot of Indian cultural resources. In fact, over time his school has ended up being probably 30% Asian and he usually has 3-5 Indian or Pakistani kids in each of his classes. I really appreciate this, but I wanted to mention something that I think affects how well this works.
He is not living in an Indian family here the way most of his classmates are, and does not identify much with their culture even though it is the culture of his home country. I tend to think being adopted and raised within US culture gives him more in common in attitudes, interests, religion etc with the "white kids" than with his Indian or Pakistani immigrant classmates. Does he have role models who look like him, adults who will speak up if his ethnicity is maligned, or other kids who physically mirror him? Yes, very much so. I do think this is worth a lot and I wouldn't move away from here unless I could find him the same situation again.

But I don't think new adoptive parents should expect there to be an obvious affinity or identification that their child will feel with an immigrant family of the same background. Unless you are living the same patterns inside your family culture that your child would experience in their home country, they may not choose friends from their culture of origin, or even see much in common other than appearances.

My son's in 7th grade, as a reference point.

[Flora]

hi, i am writing from italy...
i found this post very thought provoking. I am in a terrible anguish since i am forced to send my two black children in a school were they are the only non whites, because our whole neighborood is white....rome is NOT a multi racial city and also Italy has became a very racist society....we have a right wing governement and we are the only country in Europe who has in power a party openly xenophobic and in parlament an MP who is proud to call himself a fascist......(they are even planning to re-apply racial laws against Roma(gypsy) people like they did under the fascism....)
i am feeling terribly guilty about this, but to send them in a school slightly more ethnically mixed (which means probably at most three or four non whites per class,) it would take them an hour or so to go to school...
they have been the target of racist remarks and of a lot of unwanted attention....
but what could i possibly do, if not emigrate to a different country...?

[Millie]

Most comments are long past on this topic, but just wanted to add that I have known several Asian immigrants use the term Oriental. It is not the current "Ok" term to use, but it could be what they learned. Some are recent immigrants, others many years ago. But that was what they learned. Who are we to say that they can't use that word?

[Millie]

Most comments are long past on this topic, but just wanted to add that I have known several Asian immigrants use the term Oriental. It is not the current "Ok" term to use, but it could be what they learned. Some are recent immigrants, others many years ago. But that was what they learned. Who are we to say that they can't use that word?